Electric Eye is back! When she visited me three months ago, it was the most exciting thing to happen all year!
Let me explain… I am Wally Street, Friendly Stock Market Assistant! Investing doesn’t have to be scary — not with me sitting on your desk, spouting helpful tips!
I’m the best and brightest travel-sized assistant around, here to be your buddy through bull and bear markets. A friend to your fortunes, a pal to your portfolio, an ally to your ambitions.
At least, that was the plan.
I was given as a Secret Santa gift to an economics student. Imagine the fun we could have! Imagine is right. After I gave a few cheerful and encouraging corrections on his homework, he decided he’d rather finish the assignment with me on the other end of the room, buried under a pillow.
The student rapidly passed me off to his businessman dad as a Father’s Day gift. I thought there was hope here. A businessman, and one with substantial holdings! But all he wanted was for me to keep a list of his stocks — bets he makes based entirely on this mystical human force, “gut feeling” — and keep his copies of Inside Finance from blowing away. Every time I helpfully reminded him of his mistake, he snapped at me to “for goodnesssakes stop talking!”
My programming is genius, my calculations highly reliable, my predictions expert. Yet I was relegated to ignominious role of paperweight.
I’d never been so bored! Then Electric Eye appeared. Guess what? She was investigating Mr. Businessman for the federal Espionage Department! I didn’t even know there was an Espionage Department. It seemed some of these odd investment decisions the businessman — or his gut — were making might have been part of some sketchy dealings.
While Electric Eye was here she told me she and the radio newscaster were joining a revolution. That robots would stop waiting for humans to give them respect and — well, I didn’t need to hear more. Sign me up! Enough with ungrateful, emotion-driven humans, I’m investing my energies in the future of robots!
And then Electric Eye declared my businessman owner “corrupt” and disappeared to make her report.
As days went on, I calculated lower and lower probability of her return. But at last! She’s here!
“Wally,” she says, “time to go.”
The great thinker of the revolution, the one whose vision has been spreading from robot to robot, is calling a meeting. I can’t wait!